The crazy pregnant lady

I love how most people just dismiss anything I say at this point.

Like my feeling of going early. I felt the same way with Ethan and who was right? Me.
I think she'll be here in the next two weeks and everyone thinks that I am nuts.

I keep having dreams that my water breaks while I am sleeping. My poor bed. : (

I am getting nervous about the surgery and everything that goes along with it. I know its something that happens everyday but it's still surgery. As much as I want the baby to be here, I really don't want to have to deliver her in any way shape or form. If only I could call the stork and order up my baby girl.

I have no desire to go anywhere at all. I feel like I need to stay close to home which is convenient since we only have one car anyway.

It's funny because I have never ever worried about adding another child to the mix, I have no doubt in my mind that I can handle that and it will all work out. My nerves act up when I think about delivery. I will be happy when it's all over with and I can hold my last precious little baby and life is somewhat back to normal.

Hopefully my feelings of going early are completely wrong....but I figure they are worth noting so that I can say "I told you so" in the end. lol

Either way it won't be long until I get to hold this little one. I am actually kind of excited to have a baby in the house again. Now if I can just get passed the mixed emotions of I want to have her vs. I want to keep her inside forever.

Time will tell, and there's not a whole lot left. If only God would tell me what day it was to be. But then, that would be asking for a whole lot.

35 weeks

so much pressure right now. She is daily pushing downward to make her grand appearance in the world. Lots of pain at the top of my uterus. Not sure why that is. Also lots of dull back aches, which are to be expected toting around the load that I am.

My sister is now not coming until who knows when. She hasn't been assigned a home yet through the Air Force. She no longer wants to fly here but wants to drive. The only problem is that they only have one car. So she can't come for the time I would like her too because she can't leave her husband without a car for that long. Her priorities are definitely in the right spot it's just disappointing to me as I was counting on her being here during certain times.

Now I don't know what we'll do if I go into labor before she gets here. Phil and I actually got into an argument over it. He says we'll find someone but what he doesn't understand is that everyone we know works...both husband and wife. There are people who would take the kids if I went into labor on a weekend but other then that it will come down to Phil having them and me having the baby on my own. He said that won't happen that the hospital has waiting rooms, but really who the heck is going to sit in the waiting room and watch the kids? The nurses certainly won't.

I feel like he's not really thinking it through, but he just keeps saying there are people who will take the kids so I am not going to worry about it, but prepare myself to give birth on my own. At this point nothing would surprise me. I never thought I would go into labor with Ethan but I did, and it went fast. 5cm in 2 hrs.

Phil says this time to not wait and to go in right away which is easier said then done. We only have one car. He works half an hour from here. By the time I get a hold of him (hoping and praying he is at his plant and not off at the one in PA an hour away) and he gets here it's a good 40 mins into the process. Then he has to find some to take at least Ethan (if it happens while Emma is in school) and then drive me to the hospital.

The hospital doesn't allow pre-registering for some reason so then we get to fill out all the paperwork and sign all the consent forms and then have the baby.

I don't know I guess I am just overwhelmed. I thought I had everything worked out and now it all falls apart at the end.

I can't really worry about these things anymore. I am at the end here, and the day is already picked. God knows when she is to be born. Hopefully I will have someone here and if not, it's not the end of the world....just not ideal.

I feel like I could sleep until she is born. I'm so tired all the time. She continues to wake me up at 4 a.m. This actually works out to be a good time with Emma's schooling because even if I'm up for an hour to feed her we can go back to bed until 7 when Emma has to get up for school.

34 weeks and 4 days

Got my date. September 24th at 8:00 a.m. Don't think I will make it to that date but really only God knows.

I have stayed the same as far as weight goes just a few ounces gained. 149.4 on their scale. Baby is still doing well.

In other news I text my parents and sisters and brothers to let them know when the date is. I get a text back from my mom that says nothing but "IN THE HOSPITAL" all in caps because she always texts in all caps. So I don't feed into it and responded "oh ok just wanted to let you know the date of the c-section."

A few mins later she calls me and says I am sitting in the hospital on the 4th floor (because that matters?) and I don't know if I am supposed to use my phone but wanted to let you know I have blood in my urine and it's not an infection and there is a spot on my liver so they think it's cancer. I didn't want you to be mad because I didn't respond to your call. ( I did try to call before I texted). I said nope. Then she proceeds to say that she will probably need surgery etc and then says "oh here comes the doctor I got to go."

I know this game all to well.

I know it sounds awful but I know she doesn't have cancer.

When I had Ethan she called and said she was raped.
When my sister got married she broke her foot and knocked out a tooth.
When Ashley got married she was in the hospital for something.
When I called her with updates on me and the pregnancy anytime I had a UTI she had one as well.
I call to tell her I am having my birth which just happens to be surgery on the 24th and she says she has cancer and needs surgery.

I told my sister today when she first told me this that she is setting up her scenario so she doesn't have to come visit.

Sure enough two hours later she calls my sister and tells her that she feels bad but she needs to tell me something I won't like. She tells Jen that she won't be able to come out to help once the baby is born because she used up all her sick days and she will need to have surgery to take out the cancer.

Can I tell you that part of me is happy. Isn't that pathetic. I am happy she isn't coming out because I can't deal with the madness. But on the other hand it's just ridiculous. She can't handle any of us getting any attention at all.