Yesterday I decided to pull out all the newborn clothing that I had and wash it all in preparation for the little one's arrival. Nesting? Perhaps. Hopefully not to much nesting as I need to hold onto this little one until at least 37 weeks for her to be healthy. Ethan was born at 38 weeks 1 day. 37 weeks 2 days would be cool because that is Phil's birthday!
Anyway, I realized at the most I had 9 weeks left of this pregnancy. Woah single digits now! I have been so miserable lately I had to redirect what little energy I had so I figured preparing the baby's things would take my mind off of everything if only for a little while. And lets face it, things just get worse from here so why wait?
I feel bad for the kids. All I want to do is stay inside the air conditioning and not do anything. They have been watching cartoons so much lately. It's just been so hot lately and my internal thermostat is running on high as well. Apparently last week is the developmental week where baby starts putting off her own heat as well. Makes sense to me.
Emma said to Phil the other day "mom never wants to do anything anymore." I felt really bad but she's right. I don't. I can't bear to sit out in 90 degree weather and watch them play in the yard and I don't trust them to be out there by themselves. Nevermind the fact that I am not the most pleasant person to be around. I an handle pain pretty well as long as it doesn't last too long. But these everyday annoyances like being kicked in the ribs, or the feeling that I am going to bust open right at my c-section scar really gets on my nerves and I get pretty agitated and moody.
I go to the doctor's on Monday and then I start going every 2 weeks.
I like to count my time left in days now. Some how 64 days brings me more comfort then 9 weeks. Not really sure why, but it seems so much more doable.
In more good news every scripture I have been led to lately is about God hearing my cry, Him answering my call and the troubles going away for some time. I pray this is all true in my life. We have a plan now to attack some of the bills we have so that gives me some hope. We had only 7 hours of overtime this whole month which really is a problem since we need 36 hrs to pay the bills. I have been calling around begging people for mercy asking if we can pay a little later. We are about $1000 short this month. Scary. God's really bringing us to a place where all we can do is rely on His provision. It's a scary thing for someone who likes control. And trust me I didn't come to this conclusion overnight. I have been questioning and full of anxiety this whole month.
Anyway, here are the recent scriptures God has sent my way lately.
Philippians 4:2-9 (This one has been popping up everywhere I turn lately)
2I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. 3Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow,[a] help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.For I am waiting for you, O Lord. You must answer for me, O Lord my God.
~ Psalm 38:15, NLT
I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain.
~ Psalm 3:4, NLT
I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.
~ Psalm 120:1, NLT
Psalm 21
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 O LORD, the king rejoices in your strength.
How great is his joy in the victories you give!
2 You have granted him the desire of his heart
and have not withheld the request of his lips.
Selah
3 You welcomed him with rich blessings
and placed a crown of pure gold on his head.
4 He asked you for life, and you gave it to him—
length of days, for ever and ever.
5 Through the victories you gave, his glory is great;
you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty.
6 Surely you have granted him eternal blessings
and made him glad with the joy of your presence.
7 For the king trusts in the LORD;
through the unfailing love of the Most High
he will not be shaken.
8 Your hand will lay hold on all your enemies;
your right hand will seize your foes.
9 At the time of your appearing
you will make them like a fiery furnace.
In his wrath the LORD will swallow them up,
and his fire will consume them.
10 You will destroy their descendants from the earth,
their posterity from mankind.
11 Though they plot evil against you
and devise wicked schemes, they cannot succeed;
12 for you will make them turn their backs
when you aim at them with drawn bow.
13 Be exalted, O LORD, in your strength;
we will sing and praise your might.
Don't get me wrong, things are very much the same. We are probably worse off this month then we have ever been, but right now I feel peace about it all. What else can I do? It's totally out of my hands and I just pray that God shows up in a big way.
One thing I have learned is that I hate living like this financially and that it's forcing us to make a change. Honestly if we hadn't gotten this low we would have never done anything about our circumstance. This is teaching us to have an emergency fund, to plan a little more. Make it a priority even if you think you can't afford to. Because truth is you can't afford not to.
