Thursday, March 4, 2010

Blah, blah, blah.

I feel like somewhat of a looser lately. This exhaustion is overtaking every minute of my life. I hate it. I can't do anything. I am behind on everything. I would love to just be able to lay on the couch all day every day and not do one darn thing. But this is not reality. I have two other kids to take care of.

I am really hoping I am feeling better by the end of the month because this is getting old.

Hmm.....good this be hormones.....wasn't I just thrilled a few days ago? Maybe I need another ultrasound. hahaha

Did i mention that is all I did that day? I got up got my daughter off to school, went to the doctors...didn't even drive myself there Phil did, got the ultrasound, got dropped off at home and ate and went to sleep. UGH!!!

I feel like people don't understand how tiring it is. Trust me I annoy myself with all of this sleeping I can only imagine how frustrating it is to live with me at the moment.

Oh yah and I'm like Jekyl and Hyde. Last night I was balling for no reason. Oh joy. How many more months of this?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Amazing

Something else I wanted to remember is he or she was stretching its legs out and curling them back up and he/she kept extending his arms and bringing them back in. I guess the baby is exercising the newly formed arms and legs.

I could cry just thinking about it. I always get so amazed when I am pregnant. That this baby who is just 2 1/2 cm long has arms and legs, and a beating heart. It's so hard to really wrap your head around. To think that this baby is only roughly the size of a grape but is a person. That God is physically creating this life within my body. So profound and mind boggling.

It always stumps me how one could be pregnant and not believe in God. Really think about that. How is this baby really formed? It literally started off as goo and now its a person....a life.

God knows this baby. He knows boy or girl. He knows how many hairs will be on its head. How loved are we, that we have a God who cares so much for us that He knows how many hairs are on our head. We can't even say that about our children....that's something we could never know. He has a plan for this little life, and it pisses me off when people end the life that is within them. This is not just a clump of cells...this is a baby. True, it may not be viable if it came out of me but technically a newborn wouldn't be viable without me either. Would it be right to just walk away from that life? NO! This child has a purpose, a plan that is yet unknown to me. I am so blessed that God has seen me fit to carry another member of His creation. My part in this childs life is so small compared to what God has in store.

This is something that has always amazed me and I don't think anything will ever change that feeling. It's overwhelming. How much more overwhelmed was Mary, not only carrying her first child but also knowing that she was carrying God himself. How blessed she must have felt that God had chosen her.

There is nothing like having a child. Somedays when the kids are fighting and destroying everything they lay their hands on it's hard to see what a blessing and a gift they truly are. I am grateful for the little things....a picture of my little lima bean that can bring it all back into perspective.

I am just so happy right now. I've said it before but I think the losses I have had make this that more special. It raises my appreciation even more.

Psalm 139:13-18

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

How great is our God!

Thank you for another opportunity.

First Ultrasound




Yay everything is ok. I was so nervous today going in there. I have been let down so many times but this time it was all good. The baby is measuring at 9 weeks 2 days so that's good. He/she has a heart rate of 169 beats per minute. And there's only one! hahah! I guess I am huge because I have been pregnant 5 times and not because there is twins.

Part of me wanted twins because I wanted another boy and another girl but we'll take one healthy one. What more could I ask for?

Thanks for all the prayers and support. Keep them coming!!!!