Questions for God

As much as I hate to admit it I've been questioning God and this place where we are at. I really hate admitting that but if I didn't admit to it, I wouldn't be human. We all walk through seasons of life where we question "How much longer?" "Why?" "Is this really your will?"
I've actually come right down to questioning whether or not there was a God. But I keep coming back to the same answer.....yes. As much as I try to give up on God, He's there calling me back even more. He draws me back in to search the scriptures and to just talk to Him even if I doubt.

We all doubt. It's human nature. It's hard for us to trust when everything around us seems so bleak. And in the natural, I have a hard time trusting people so it's especially hard for me to trust God.

I am a first born. I like being in control. I am bossy. I like to take charge and have things my way and when they don't go according to my plan I feel extrememly abandoned and out of control. I suppose these traits can be good especially when married to a military man. I was able to be alone and not totally loose it, though I have to admit they weren't easy.

I was watching Joyce Meyer and she was talking about the story of Lazarus in John chapter 11. She was saying how that we still have to do something as an act of faith for God to act. Jesus said to them move the stone away. Why did he need these people to move the stone. He was God, he could have rolled it away miraculously but he didn't. He asked them to act in obedience and then he raised Lazarus.
Even though this spoke to me the thing that stood out most was Mary. When she heard Jesus was there she ran out to him and fell at his feet verse 32 " 32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Mary, Martha, and Lazarus physically walked with the Lord. He was here on earth with them. They saw the great miracles he preformed with their own eyes. Yet Mary still doubted. She knew that if Jesus had made it there before Lazarus died then he could be healed. But it never dawned on her that Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead. That wasn't even an option that went through her brain.
I'd like to think I'd be different. If I physically saw the Lord walk to my house I feel like I would be relieved that he would fix it all. Mary didn't feel like this. She couldn't see beyond the circumstance and sort of believed that Jesus had missed his opportunity to do something great.
Hearing and reading this story gives me hope.
1. Because it makes me feel better. They lived with Jesus (in his time not in the same house) and yet they still doubted that God could fix it. Surely I am going to have my doubts having not seen.
2. My doubts are not going to stop God from working out His plan. Mary sat weeping and almost blaming God....if only you had been here he wouldn't have died. You are too late. But clearly God wasn't too late. This was His perfect timing that God would be glorified. Even the disciples doubted. They said hey we'll go along to "die" with him. Not a surprise it was Thomas who said this. vs 16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Thomas really struggled with doubt and disbelief.
And by the way God didn't give up on Thomas. He met him where he was. He let him feel the holes where the nails were. Thomas' disbelief did not stop God.

Reading these stories really helps me feel more normal. See most people don't talk about how they doubt. Well that wouldn't be right now would it? To be vunerable and say I don't know if God can work this out. But let's face it. We've all been there. We've all thought these things whether we speak it or not.
We're human. God knows this. He made me. He knows my flaws and insecurities. But He also knows He has a plan for my life.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I was reading Psalm 34 last night that is titled "The Happiness of Those Who Trust in God"

It gave me renewed hope.

vs 4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me. And delivered me from all my fears.
vs 6 The poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles.
vs 7 The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them.
vs 8 Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him.
vs 9 Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him.
vs 10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
vs 15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry.
vs 17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.
vs 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all.


I really dislike the first half of vs 19. Many are the afflictions of the righteous. That's certainly what I feel like. One trial after another after another. But God says that will happen. But he also promises that He will deliver us out of them all.
He will come through.

I told God yesterday that I give up. I don't know why He's not hearing me. I don't know why he seems silent and that I wasn't sure if this would work out. Then I read all that last night and when I woke up this morning the Bible verse waiting for me was:

“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.”Hebrews 10:23 NLT

What are some of His promises?

Here's a short list I found.

" Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap." Luke 6:38

" A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor." Proverbs 22:9

" God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart ! I have overcome the world ! " John 16:33

" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28

" He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak " Isaiah 40:29

" Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine" Isaiah 43:1

" I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life." John 6:47

" And this is what he promises us--even eternal life ." 1 John 2:25

" Jesus said: 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies'....." John 11:25

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27.28

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Heb.11:1

"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus" Gal. 3:26

"We live by faith, not by sight" 2 Cor. 5:7

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deut.7:9

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be moved, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed." Isaiah 54:10

" I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them, I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

"...but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22

" Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. " Isaiah 46:4

" For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life." Proverbs 9:11

" I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me." Proverbs 8:17

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Cor. 2:9

"...the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! " Isaiah 30:18

" As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." Psalm 103:13

" Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:12

"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

" This is the assurance we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." 1 John 5:14

" When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames willnot set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1,2

"But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm" Proverbs 1:33

" That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God." Ecc 3:13

"Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy with his work---this is a gift of God." Ecc 5:19

" With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver." Proverbs 8: 18,19

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5,6

"Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust...." Psalm 40:4

Reflect on some of these promises. What applies to you life right now?

Earn a Free IPad 2

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What is ebates you ask?

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Sign up here for free.

Type in your favorite store.

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A percentage of that is put in your account and is paid back to you in the form of a check quarterly.

But here's the best part. If you sign up by May 30th (remember it's free to sign up) and get 4 friends to sign up and make a qualifying purchase ($25 for you to get credit) at any of your favorite stores you get $40 in your account.

Get 10 friends to sign up and make a purcase you get a $100 gift card.

Get 50 friends to sign up and get a free IPad 2

And if you can get 425 people to sign up and make a $25 purchase at their favorite store you get a bonus of $5,000 cold hard cash. Now who couldn't use that?

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Now, use my link provided. Sign up. Make your first purchase and refer your friends.

Help me make money for my family

So here's the deal. I do alot of my shopping online as we only have one car. I stumbled across this site called ebates that allows you to go to their site, type in the store you want to shop at, click on the link and it brings you to that site you want. Ex. children's place, old navy, home depot, even ebay is on there. If you take a few extra seconds to do this you will get credited a certain percentage of your total which will be given back to you in the form of a check quarterly. Right now a Pea in the Pod is offering 2.5% back on your purchase Ann Taylor Loft is offering 3% back Back to basic toys 5% back Old Navy 2% back and the list goes on and on. I just got back my first check for $25. I don't know about you, but I can use every penny I get back. So here's where you come in. If I can get people to join I get cash back. This will help me, save you money and if you pass on the link can earn cash back on with your referral. They are running a great deal now and I can potentially make $5000 which just so happens to be a good chunk of what we need to catch up on our bills. All you have to do is follow this link sign up and remember to use the site when you do your next online purchase. It's that easy. So this is a simple thing you can do to help me out and get cash back for yourself all at the same time. It's free, it's legitimate and it will be helping me out greatly!!! BUT you must follow this link or else I will not get credit for it.

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=J%2FLFO5lmN8frU4qmOJ4TFg%3D%3D

Beyond my control

How much more can one person take? Phil started school last week. We were supposed to get money from the VA for the GI Bill he paid into, which would cover costs and we'd actually make a little bit. Except, they changed the rules....now we won't see money until September. Our computer is on the fritz. Our monitor keeps popping up with a "contrast" window, when we looked into it it says that this happens when the monitor is dying. The cpu already died and we got an old one from my dad for now. The computer is 10 yrs old so I guess it's time, but why now? The keyboard is only typing the letters it feels like typing. Making blogging extremely hard but making paper writing for school nearly impossible. My coffee pot broke. It's heating the water too much causing all the water to evaporate rather then percolate. My car is not running right. It's going in the shop next Tues because this is the earliest they could take it in. We only have one car and they won't give us a loaner vehicle. We can't afford a rental. We have a crack in our windshield. My daughter has been eating at school everyday because I don't have money to buy lunches. The bill came in. I can't pay it. She won't be able to eat there anymore. We make $300 to much to qualify for free or reduced lunch. She brought bread with honey on it for lunch. She had toast for breakfast. I pray someone has mercy on her and shares food with her. This is not her fault. We have an allotment set up for our HSA account. I've been paying the medical bills this way. Come to find out, for some reason the money isn't in the account. All my medical bills are now in collections. Medical bills that I wouldn't have if some stupid doctor hadn't butchered my body. How do you keep from feeling despair? How do you not get depressed? My checking account reads -$11. We get paid Thursday, today is Tuesday. Because we have fallen behind we are out of the programs that reduced payment on some of our bills. This puts us behind another $1,000. We need $6,000 just to catch up. Whether this is true or not, this is how I feel. People have told me for months that God provides. Except, I haven't seen it. We haven't had money for food since November so I have been buying food instead of paying bills. I would think that it's not in Gods will for one to forclose on a house and also go bankrupt. Except this is essentially what happend to Job. So maybe it is God's will. But why? Why is there one valley after another? I am ready for the mountain. God can provide my needs, but he hasn't. God could have provided a buyer for our house that was for sale for 2 yrs. But He didn't. Not even one offer. God could send someone to help us, but He hasn't. How do you explain that? People tell me I need to tithe. I have given 10% or more on everything I've made and still I'm here 3 days before payday with no money or food. I've given out of my need.....and I have nothing left. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you. I come to God everyday, begging for Him to hear me. Begging Him to answer me. Silence. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. Applied to 8 online jobs. All have been declined. I have no way to list anything on ebay. Our card reader broke and I don't have money to get a new one. Faith is believing even when the circumstance seems impossible. My circumstance is impossible. There is no way to fix this unless God does it. The only way this will work out is if God does something amazing. I sure hope He does.