Do you feel insignificant?

I know at times I do. There are so many things I keep praying about and God is taking longer to answer these prayers then I would like. But hey, he knows best.
Lately, I have been praying for ways for me to make some cash while staying home. I had many ideas and everytime I would try to persue something it seems as if the door was slammed in my face. I kept telling God I felt like kind of a looser not being able to help provide finacially at this time in our lives because we are having a hard time and as my last post said, we also have all these unexpected medical bills on top of it all.
I listed lots of things on ebay hoping that I would get some sales and I did but a few dollars here a few there. Nothing so significant to be able to help in any real way. I still tithed on it but I kind of felt embarrassed sending people like focus on the family $5, but I knew it's what was right so I did it anyway.

I also feel like God has planted so much inside me that I would like to see come to fruition but again the door just keeps getting shut. I feel like the things I'm doing aren't that great and they aren't touching any lives at all.

Then just a few days ago I was reading my devotional about Mark 12:40-44

The Widow's Mite
41(B)And He sat down opposite (C)the treasury, and began observing how the people were (D)putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.
42A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.

43Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury;

44for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had (E)to live on."

This is where God spoke to me. He reminded me of giving $4 to this place and $5 to that. He spoke and said "that though in my eyes I was embarrassed at such a small gift, it was a HUGE gift to God. That it was more about the obedience and taking that step of faith. That no amount was too small for God to use."

The next day I was listening to the radio and I heard Pastor Chip Ingrahm say that God is using us where we are. Even if we're "just" a stay at home mom we are doing something important because this is God's will for us at this time in our lives. Raising decent children is important, even when others make us feel like it isn't. Or when we sometimes daydream of being at work, or lust after some idea we wish we could have if only we worked.

A couple days ago I pulled out an older Steven Curtis Chapman cd and listened to it while cleaning. Song #7 came on and brought tears to my eyes.

You’re up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
and you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Well maybe you just don’t know
or maybe you’ve forgotten

That you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh you, you may not see it now
but I believe that time will tell
how you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time

With every, “I know you can do it”
and every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
they’re just like the drops of rain
over time, they become a river




Again God speaks in His sweet, small little ways reminding that nothing I do is insignificant. That there is a reason why I am home with these kids, and that what I do is important. That I need to rely on Him to provide the money and not myself. That when I do make some money that no amount is too little to sow back to Him. In fact He said that He doesn't NEED the money, really it is just about obedience to Him. What a great God we serve, that He takes the time to reassure us that He sees us and that He does care about what we are doing. And even if we feel like what we are doing is not important or great that He thinks it is. See it doesn't matter what you do, as long as it's His will for you and you do it as unto Him. That's all that matters.

Long time, no post.....

Yes! I've had the baby.

Audrey Faith was born on September 15th (15 days early) at 4:14 pm and weighed in at 6 lbs 1/5 ounces. My tiniest baby ever.

There were so many issues with this delivery it's not even funny. First of all I went into labor Sunday the 12th. We went to the hospital that night to discover I was indeed having contractions but I was not dilated. Monday morning, I was back at the hospital. Contractions again 1 cm dilated and they stopped the labor. Monday night, back again...same deal. Tuesday I didn't go to the hospital. Wednesday the contractions were back and at this point I was sick of it. I called the doctor and made an appointment. The first available was 1:45 so I am labored at home all day until it was time to go. When we got there I was 3 1/2 cm dilated and there was no going back.
They sent me next door to the hospital. When I got upstairs and got changed they tried to start an IV but they couldn't because all my veins were back from the 3 ER trips earlier in the week. They ended up placing the IV in my jugular vein. YUCK!
They brought me to the O.R. and did the spinal which went really well. The guy knew what he was doing got it on the 2nd try which he apologized for and I was able to be awake for the birth. Thank God!
Once they got in there my doctor asked "who did you last c-section?" I told him who and he said "Don't even let that man touch you again. It looks like a granade went off inside your stomach." Come to find out my bladder was put back in the wrong place. When the doctor cut the uterus the knife slipped and he accidentally cut my bladder. BUT the bladder would have never of been cut had it been where it should have been. Needless to say after the baby was born I was in surgery for an extra 2 hrs to repaid all the damage that was done and to put me back as I should have been. All this extra meant longer recovery times and I got to go home with my little friend the foley catheter for 3 weeks. Can I just say that was hell. I never want to do that again. I had many emotional breakdowns during that time it was just awful. First I was pissed at the old doctor for the way Ethan's birth went, and then I was even more upset that he robbed me of this time with my new baby because he decided to be lazy.
Anyway lots of running back and forth to doctors and 3 weeks after I had Audrey I had to go to the outpatient clinic be put to sleep and have a cystography done. Thankfully all was clear and they took the catheter out.
Fast forward to now where we had more doctors appointments and things seem to be ok with my health. Now we have an extra $1500 in medical bills that we weren't expecting and have to pay for. But I guess the important thing is that we are both healthy and functioning people.

Audrey is by far my easiet baby which I say that I deserve at this point.

That is the shortened version of everything that happened I have so much on my mind right now that I want to blog about that I wanted to get this out real quick before I got into that.