Things I've learned

Wow has it been a long time since I last posted or what?

I have taken some time really prayed and read and have been enlightened on many many things.

1 thing that kept coming up was God's will. Is this or that His will. Many nights I spent agonizing, praying and seeking God's face and His will. Many people including myself tend to believe that if you are in God's will you will feel peace about your situation. There were many times I prayed and never got any peace and still felt nervous and was no closer to the answers I longed for. Even though I know God heard every one of those prayers I know my opinions on His will have changed.

I don't believe there is perfect peace within His will. Look at Jesus in the Garden he prayed and was agonizing over His fate. I'm sure he was scared. He was about to be turned over to be murdered, how could he not be. Yet this was God's will. Jesus wanted another way but submitted to the plan that was in place. There are many times in my life where I don't have complete peace about the situation. Some of the biggest decisions have been the most terrifying experiences and I had not peace at all about it.
If we were truly living in God's will He would have us all in the garden of Eden again living in perfect harmony with Him. But we chose to disobey. Was that God's will? No. God wanted us to live with Him. We chose different. That's why He has given us free will.
I don't feel like God is involved as much as I once thought He was. Did He command hurrican Katrina to happen? He is the maker of all things, but if we were truly in His will then all of creation would be paradise. He would have made robots. I now believe that sometimes thing just happen. Is God in the midst of all of this, yes. Can He turn our choices around for good? Yes. But the choice is ours, and I think if it doesn't go against God's two most important laws Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and Love your neighbor as yourself then God doesn't really care if you take a job in Tuscon Arizona, or stay planted right where you are. The point is, God can and will use you wherever you are.
Not trying to be crass but do we ask God what His will is concerning us going to the bathroom? No. The urge is there and we go. Sometimes "stuff" happens....quite literally in this case.
I don't recall an instance where Jesus hemmed and hawed over His living arrangements. He just went, and he was used.

I guess it goes back to the old saying "Don't sweat the small stuff."

2nd thing I've discovered. Most churches and "Christians" are very legalistic and seem to forget the most important things. I don't think God cares if your wearing a bikini, or a one piece. I don't think God cares if you drink a few beers, or have long hair or wear dresses or pants. Jesus came as the new covenant. Jesus came to give us freedom not a new set of laws to live by.

It says in
James 1:26-27

New International Version (NIV)



26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.


True religion help the fatherless and widows. Sure you may go to church every Sunday because that's what religion says to do but when was the last time you helped out orphans or widows? According to the New Testament this is true religion.
Again it all goes back to Luke 10:27 27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[c]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Is this what Jesus meant by Pharisees who are all clean on the outside but on the inside are dirty and corrupt?

Third thing I learned. You can make any idol out of anything. Even the Bible----gasp! Don't get me wrong the Bible is a great manual, but many times it is taken out of context. There are many scriptures in the Bible that are read to us as promises for us or rules for us, but were written for a specific time period to a specific people. I think a lot of the the things in the Bible are not neccessarily promises to us, but rather an account for us so that we never forget. We dont' see miracles happen the way they did back then. You don't see people healed of leprosy, men raised for the dead, seas parted, waves calmed. Does that mean God can't do it? Absolutely not. But is it likely that grandma will come up from out of the grave? Probably not.

There are so many people who follow the Bible to the letter. Things that were written long before Christ shed his blood for us. Rules that must be followed because the Bible says. But we are forgetting the one thing that is unique to us here in the New Testament. The Holy Spirit. The Spirit was not here before or during the time when Jesus was here. It was only when he left that the Holy Spirit found it's place here. We have to spend more time listening to the Spirit rather then following the letter of the law. And if the Spirit is quiet, but you haven't broken then two rules....Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself then God probably doesn't really care either way. He'll be happy with the choice you make.

All signs point to the mountain

My friend who lost her baby had an amazing God experience just a few days after receiving the news of a little life gone to be with God.
She wanted to realase a balloon in honor of the baby and was telling her husband about it but realized there wouldn't be any time to do anything like that before she left for a trip with the her girlfriends. So she thought she would do it when she got back. Then one night she was woken up by afwul cramps and new the process of passing the remains would soon begin. She couldn't go back to sleep and lay there thinking of that baloon and how she wished she could release a disney balloon one with the Mickey head inside another balloon. But they cost alot and it was late at night and she had a conference the next day so she knew that it would be impossible. The next day after the conference she went to dinner with her friends and they talked and laughed and ate. When they left she looked over towards the van and there much to her surprise was one of the balloons she wanted....and it was tied to her door handle. And to top it off, it wasn't typical Disney colors....it was pink. No one knew of her wishes to purchase that paticular balloon and nevermind that, not one of her friends even left the table that night. The balloon was heaven sent...and to top it off God revealed the sex of the baby through the balloon color. Of all the colors available she got a pink one tied to HER door handle. Amazing! God does care about the little things.

I have to be honest I kind of sat envious of this as I've asked God for physical signs like this before and nothing has happened. A while back I was praying and looking outside and saw all these birds at the neighbors bird feeder. I asked God that if He was going to provide for us the money we needed that week if He could please have one of those birds land on my railing. Well it never happened, and guess what...the money didn't come either. God said no.

Yesterday I was praying telling God I was a little jealous of her sign and how nice that would be, but sort of just brushed it off and said "oh well that's just not in the plan for me."

Then everything I read yesterday spoke to me.

First a post by Joyce Meyer that was odd. It wasn't a quote or a long phrase as she usually posts it was one simple sentence. "God isn't mad at you." I knew that was speaking right to me. I've dealt with so many feelings of letting Him down. For not doing good enough. In fact I've prayed about this for well over a year now.

Then as I was doing dishes I put on my Pandora player on my Android. The first song to come up was "Believe me now" by Steven Curtis Chapman Here's the lyrics:

I watch you looking out across the raging water
So sure your only hope lies on the other side
You hear the enemy that's closing in around you
And I know that you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand and...

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe Me now

I am the One who waved my hand and split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I've loved you long before I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you..

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you
And I am for you

So believe Me now
Believe it's true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true, and all My promises are sure
So believe Me now



Hmmmm. Was God speaking to me or was this a coincidence. Often times I think that God really couldn't be speaking to me. That this was just happen chance.
Until I logged onto Facebook and clicked on the "God wants you to know" app. Here is God wanted me to know that it may seem dark at the moment, but don't lose hope. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep moving and you'll get there. God won't abandon you; let God be your light. It may take some time, but in the end, everything will be alright.

Again the emotions I have been feeling are not adding up, stuck in a cave, down, depressed, alone. This spoke to all the things I had been feeling but really didn't voice. Of course they are in my own personal journal but I never spoke them out loud to anyone.

Then last but not least I went to my daughter's room last night and stopped and opened the shades (which were drawn to keep out heat) and looked outside. Much to my amazement there was a bird sitting on my railing. Immediately God brought back to mind my request of having a bird land on the railing if He was going to work it out. And even more amazing, there were not any other birds to be found anywhere. Not one. And to top it all off, the little bird that sat upon the railing was a sparrow. A tiny little sparrow. I just happened to have my phone one me so I snapped a picture as a reminder, that God does hear. He does care, even about the small stuff. After I snapped the picture the sparrow flew away. Far away.




His eyes ARE on the sparrow, and He does watch and care for us.

Words from the Master

I cannot stress enough, how some things that we go through helps prepare us for our calling in life.
Another dear friend lost a baby. Everytime I hear a woman speak those words the emotions come flooding back. I'm over the deep rooted pain, but when I hear of another's loss the emotion is so easy to tap back into. I can really relate to how they feel. I never would have understood this, had I not lost my own children. I just pray that the words I speak from my experience can help someone else out.

God is still pressing upon my heart how important it is to LIVE my faith. Or rather, put my faith into action. To start doing unto others. To love my neighbor as myself. How would I want to be treated? I know what I would want others to do for me in some of life's situations. I am often not on the receiving end but God is using that desire to help others. To know what would be best, what would speak blessing into their life.

Lord help me to hear you and to be obedient to you when you call to me. Help me to know that you are in control. That you alone are worthy to be praised. Use me, help me to be a non-judgmental light unto the world.

Out of the cave

Things haven't changed much in the past few weeks.
I've been trying to seek God and His will and just be patient. There is nothing more that I can give which leads me to believe that I am right where God would have me to be. This way when something does come through I know it's not my own doing.

I was reading a devotional from Patsy Clairmont and she challenged us to quiet our minds and to Be Still. Be Still and Know God. Be still and hear God. Have you ever really tried to quiet your mind. It's almost as hard as taming your tongue.
You can sit in your room by yourself, close the door and try to be still and then someone knocks on the door, or thoughts rage through your mind about laundry and lunch and dishes. Then you hear every bird walking around, every insect buzz. It really is hard to completely quiet your mind.
I tried to do this the other day. I sat in the bathtub (usually the only time I can be alone of course the kids were napping as well) and I was thanking God for what He had given us. Then I told Him I would try to quiet my mind and I was longing to hear from Him.
It took a little bit of work but I began just by concentrating on my breathing then as I became more relaxed, I visually pictured myself at the throne of God, bowed down at His feet. And just like that I saw a very quick vision. It was me coming out of a dark, cold, damp cave, holding on to Jesus' hand. There was a stone stairway that came out of the cave and winded around the outside of the mountain. I pulled His hand and was all excited climbing the stairs towards this bright, warm, light. I said "you've got to see this, oh wait you already know what it is you created it." And just like that it was gone.
Then of course I immediately begin to doubt that this was God speaking to me. That somehow I imagined this scenario. Isn't that the "human" way? Doubt, disbelief. Then I really started thinking about it and how would I imagine something like that? It was a matter of seconds that the vision took place and I didn't have any thoughts running through my head. I also had great peace about the whole thing.

See I've been praying for sometime that God bring us out of this valley and up to the mountain. That I feel as if I need a time of rest. Where everything is just ok for a while.
I've told Him that I've felt alone, even though I have people around me.

This vision to me meant that even in this cold, dark, dreary place I am not alone. God was there with me. And I will emerge from the darkness hand in hand with my God. He will bring us to the mountain top, and give us more then we ever thought possible. I was excited to tell God what happened in my life. What great things lay ahead...but He already knew. He orchestrated it all. He always had seen the big picture. Sometimes I really wish I could see the big picture and know that everything is going to be all right. That's not God's way though. That doesn't bring us into a deeper relationship with Him. The important thing is that He is there, standing hand in hand with us. Whether we be in the dark cave of life, or high upon the warm sunny mountain.
I think God was telling me I'm not alone, and we will be starting our climb upwards. And most of all, wherever you are in your journey, He is right there by your side holding your hand.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

This one is especially interesting because in my vision God was holding my right hand. I really didn't know the significance of this until I researched it.

Thanking God for faithfulness, and looking up for my sunshine. : )

4/17/2011

On this day of your life, Andi, we believe God wants you to know ... that you weren't created to be a failure.
Sure some things may not have worked out and there have been some disappointments. But all these things helped guide you in a direction that was meant for you. Your life has purpose and significance. Try to be patient if it isn't all crystal clear just yet. For now, just know that you weren't created to fail.

Questions for God

As much as I hate to admit it I've been questioning God and this place where we are at. I really hate admitting that but if I didn't admit to it, I wouldn't be human. We all walk through seasons of life where we question "How much longer?" "Why?" "Is this really your will?"
I've actually come right down to questioning whether or not there was a God. But I keep coming back to the same answer.....yes. As much as I try to give up on God, He's there calling me back even more. He draws me back in to search the scriptures and to just talk to Him even if I doubt.

We all doubt. It's human nature. It's hard for us to trust when everything around us seems so bleak. And in the natural, I have a hard time trusting people so it's especially hard for me to trust God.

I am a first born. I like being in control. I am bossy. I like to take charge and have things my way and when they don't go according to my plan I feel extrememly abandoned and out of control. I suppose these traits can be good especially when married to a military man. I was able to be alone and not totally loose it, though I have to admit they weren't easy.

I was watching Joyce Meyer and she was talking about the story of Lazarus in John chapter 11. She was saying how that we still have to do something as an act of faith for God to act. Jesus said to them move the stone away. Why did he need these people to move the stone. He was God, he could have rolled it away miraculously but he didn't. He asked them to act in obedience and then he raised Lazarus.
Even though this spoke to me the thing that stood out most was Mary. When she heard Jesus was there she ran out to him and fell at his feet verse 32 " 32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Mary, Martha, and Lazarus physically walked with the Lord. He was here on earth with them. They saw the great miracles he preformed with their own eyes. Yet Mary still doubted. She knew that if Jesus had made it there before Lazarus died then he could be healed. But it never dawned on her that Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead. That wasn't even an option that went through her brain.
I'd like to think I'd be different. If I physically saw the Lord walk to my house I feel like I would be relieved that he would fix it all. Mary didn't feel like this. She couldn't see beyond the circumstance and sort of believed that Jesus had missed his opportunity to do something great.
Hearing and reading this story gives me hope.
1. Because it makes me feel better. They lived with Jesus (in his time not in the same house) and yet they still doubted that God could fix it. Surely I am going to have my doubts having not seen.
2. My doubts are not going to stop God from working out His plan. Mary sat weeping and almost blaming God....if only you had been here he wouldn't have died. You are too late. But clearly God wasn't too late. This was His perfect timing that God would be glorified. Even the disciples doubted. They said hey we'll go along to "die" with him. Not a surprise it was Thomas who said this. vs 16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Thomas really struggled with doubt and disbelief.
And by the way God didn't give up on Thomas. He met him where he was. He let him feel the holes where the nails were. Thomas' disbelief did not stop God.

Reading these stories really helps me feel more normal. See most people don't talk about how they doubt. Well that wouldn't be right now would it? To be vunerable and say I don't know if God can work this out. But let's face it. We've all been there. We've all thought these things whether we speak it or not.
We're human. God knows this. He made me. He knows my flaws and insecurities. But He also knows He has a plan for my life.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I was reading Psalm 34 last night that is titled "The Happiness of Those Who Trust in God"

It gave me renewed hope.

vs 4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me. And delivered me from all my fears.
vs 6 The poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles.
vs 7 The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them.
vs 8 Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him.
vs 9 Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him.
vs 10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
vs 15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry.
vs 17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.
vs 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all.


I really dislike the first half of vs 19. Many are the afflictions of the righteous. That's certainly what I feel like. One trial after another after another. But God says that will happen. But he also promises that He will deliver us out of them all.
He will come through.

I told God yesterday that I give up. I don't know why He's not hearing me. I don't know why he seems silent and that I wasn't sure if this would work out. Then I read all that last night and when I woke up this morning the Bible verse waiting for me was:

“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.”Hebrews 10:23 NLT

What are some of His promises?

Here's a short list I found.

" Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap." Luke 6:38

" A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor." Proverbs 22:9

" God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart ! I have overcome the world ! " John 16:33

" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28

" He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak " Isaiah 40:29

" Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine" Isaiah 43:1

" I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life." John 6:47

" And this is what he promises us--even eternal life ." 1 John 2:25

" Jesus said: 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies'....." John 11:25

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27.28

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Heb.11:1

"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus" Gal. 3:26

"We live by faith, not by sight" 2 Cor. 5:7

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deut.7:9

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be moved, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed." Isaiah 54:10

" I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them, I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

"...but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22

" Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. " Isaiah 46:4

" For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life." Proverbs 9:11

" I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me." Proverbs 8:17

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Cor. 2:9

"...the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! " Isaiah 30:18

" As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." Psalm 103:13

" Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:12

"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

" This is the assurance we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." 1 John 5:14

" When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames willnot set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1,2

"But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm" Proverbs 1:33

" That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God." Ecc 3:13

"Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy with his work---this is a gift of God." Ecc 5:19

" With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver." Proverbs 8: 18,19

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5,6

"Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust...." Psalm 40:4

Reflect on some of these promises. What applies to you life right now?

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