OK so I feel like I am over this at now. I am almost 27 weeks and I know the last 12 will fly by, but I have been sick, really tired, and really hot and uncomfortable. I am ready for September.

This medicine I have to take for the bladder infection keep my running to the bathroom an totally sick to my stomach. I have lost 1 of the lbs I gained because I just haven't felt well at all. Tomorrow is my last day of taking it so I am hoping I will feel better once its gone.

I have no motivation to do anything. I could really use a burst of nesting energy at the moment but it's just not happening. I could literally sleep all day and I take that as a sign that she is growing rapidly. Thankfully my kids have been very understanding and good the past two days, despite the fact that their mom hasn't been at her best.

When I feel like this it just reaffirms that this is my last child. I can't do this again.

I am starting to get nervous about the delivery and spinal and recovery. I want this all to be over with, but at the same time I don't want to actually deliver her. Hmmmm...could we magically teleport her out?

We are headed out for vacation in a few days but once again we have no money and no overtime so I am not even sure how we will make it happen. We have a free place to stay thank God but we barely have enough for gas money nevermind anything else.

I am just blah all around lately. I am tired, I am sick and I'm kind of sick of living like this to be honest. I keep praying for some sort of breakthrough and nothing is happening lately, I just don't understand. It seems if it could go wrong lately it is. I am so looking forward to a time of rest.

God is really pushing my limits on faith and patience. We need a big breakthrough by the first and nothing has even hinted at working out. I keep asking what I can do...and His response...."nothing". I think that's the point. I am still trying to rely on myself and my abilities during this time and that just doesn't work. He's bringing us to a place where we know for sure that God made it happen and not us. Honestly I hate that. I am a control freak. I don't like not knowing the plan. I am pretty easy going in personality and adaptable about little things but I need to know that big picture. Funny how just about everything God does the "big picture" is not for us to know. So many questions, so little answers.

Just keep praying. Life is like a roller coaster at the moment and my moods are reflecting them...though that could be part of the issue as well. Perhaps the loss of joy is an issue. But then I read of David and how distraught he was so many times in our lives. God's no dummy. He made me. He knows I will doubt in my life. I guess that's where faith comes in.