Cankles

My feet and ankles are 3 times their normal size. YIKES! I never had this problem when I was pregnant with Ethan, and did when I was pregnant with Emma. So I am just going to say that from my experience girls make your feet swell. Thankfully I don't have high blood pressure so there are no worries right now. Just severely swollen feet. Which makes an already hot and crabby momma even more crabby. The only solutions....stay off your feet and drink water. HELLO! I have two kids, I can't stay off my feet. So suffer I must.

Every since I've gotten back from my trip its been one thing after another. I am so ready for a season in my life where we can just sit back and enjoy the ride. The past 5 years seem like they've been nothing but trials.

First the Navy shut down the trailer park we were in and so Phil decided we should move to NY because that's where he thought he could find work. We bought a house and Emma and I moved there while Phil lived with my BIL and SIL for a year. We only got to see him on weekends. Emma was 2 at the time. Then he got a out of the Navy and got a new job in NY but we had to move closer to the Canadian border as that's where most of his jobs would be. So we sold that house and bought a new one. In the meantime Emma turned 3, I found out I was pregnant and then lost the baby 3 months later. Phil could only stay home for a few days as he just started his new job. We got all moved to the new house and were told the new job was about 75% travel. How about more like 95% travel. He was gone most weeks from Monday through Friday and again only home on the weekends. We got pregnant and had Ethan 9 months later. Phil's travel picked up and I was left behind with a 4 yr old and a colicy newborn. They began cutting our pay at the job because the economy was taking a turn for the worse. I got pregnant again, and 3 months later lost that baby. Continued on with life, still home alone most of the time. Travel, travel, burn out. 4 yrs and they were still cutting pay.....we had had enough. Phil put out hundreds of resumes but nothing local would come through. Unless of course he wanted to make $10 an hour. OUt of the blue we get a call from a recruiter asking if we would be willing to move that he had an opportunity in WV for us. We came down, he interviewed, and 1 1/2 later we were moving again. We are now loosing our house in NY since we tried to sell it for 2 years with no luck. Here we are with a great job (which I am thankful for) but that has cut our pay in half. We are struggling to get by, we have a new baby on the way, Phil's motorcycle tire blew out on him last week, and the next day we get a nail in our car tire that can't be fixed. We need a new tire which is going to cost $200 and I have no idea where the money will come from. We can barely pay the bills never mind have anything extra for tires. There's just so much going on and alot of it is insignificant little things but in the big scheme of things they add up. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I need a season up on the mountain. Where things are easier.

These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:7

It's getting hard to keep the faith. Maybe I'm just in a funk, but when it seems like there isn't even one break through it's hard not to just want to give up. Not at life...just at all the grown up stuff. It's hard not to question things. When the word says "God shall supply all your needs." and things that seem like needs (bills) don't get paid you begin to second guess His faithfulness. You can't help but sit and think that there has to be more to this life then all bills, and wondering where you will get the money for food. Wondering how I could have messed up so badly. It doesn't make sense, and it's certainly not easy. I've never had the divine intervention where people come knocking at the door with a basket of food. Life just doesn't make sense sometimes. Hopefully it will get easier soon. I don't know how much more I can take.