Revelations

I wish I could say that things here were better. Really, they're not. We are falling more and more behind each day that passes. But one sort of ahhh huh moment came to me the other day and it may just be the lesson God has had in all of this for us.
God has brought me to this place of complete dependence on Him. I really mean this. When we can't pay our bills I often try to find things to sell to try to earn extra money. I have cashed in all of my bonds, pawned jewelry, sold most of my clothing on ebay, and was hoping to be able to sell more. But God had different plans. He broke my card reader so I can't upload pictures. The reason I believe God did it, is because I am still looking to much on myself to provide the extra....to fix the problem. This is still not what God wants. He wants me to believe Him and He's taken every possible last way of making money and completely made it useless. He is bringing me to a place of total faith in Him.
He has also given me a heart to help others when they are in this situation. Often times we think we can't do anything. But oh how I would have rejoiced if I had gone to the grocery store and someone came up behind me and offered to pay. Can you imagine? What a testimony of God's love would that be? See we're not just called to sit on our duffs and live our life and speaks the words. How can we sit and spew our "religious" words and not put into action what God has called us to do? What greater expression of God's love then to live out your faith in your community. Fill up a gas tank, pay for the person's food behind you in the drive through, pay for groceries etc. This one small act can speak volumes.
God is calling me in this way to make Himself known. God has allowed me to go through this so I can understand the need, and how one meal can be such a blessing.

Most times I really wish God wouldn't allow these things in our lives, but what better way to learn then to go through it yourself.

It's like the loss of a child. You can't truly understand it unless you lived it.

All of this is part of His plan for me, and though right now I'm still in the "this really stinks" phase, I pray that God will bring us through quickly and that He will bless us so that we may bless others. He has opened my eyes to the needs of people. He is preparing to use me.

Funny thing is, I've prayed so many times for God to use me. That I could be a testimony to Him. I never thought it would require me going through so much garbage. lol I somehow thought that life would be lollipops and roses and that I would be able to help people. And I'm not saying that this doesn't happen, but you certainly become more relatable if you've lived it.

I pray we get through this quickly. I pray for a blessing so I can pay off the bills and catch up. I pray that I be blessed so that I can bless others. I am grateful for finally seeing the light and knowing that God has a plan for all of this.

And most of all that no matter what you do, no matter how much you've messed up, God isn't sitting there wondering what now. I've made many mistakes over the years and the thing is God knew this would happen and it's all part of His plan. He's not scrambling around trying to make a plan B because of choices I've made. This is all part of plan A and He can work it all for His glory and our good.
So I sit and trust God with the desires of my heart. I pray and ask in faith for His provision. And the action I take, is to do nothing. Because somehow I feel like I can fix it if I do this or that. But it's not me who can fix this. Only God can. And I have to believe He will.